Beyond the Father’s Day tributes
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Last Sunday, churches across Nigeria celebrated Father’s Day with special prayers, presentations, and tributes to men who bear the responsibility of fatherhood. In some of the churches, including mine, fathers were saddled with the responsibility of officiating during services to make them feel loved and appreciated. They preached, took Bible readings, served as ushers and even became emergency choristers, singing with their baritone voices. In some cases, they even took part in games such as tying headgears or carrying babies on their backs.
Political leaders joined in the celebrations, issuing goodwill messages that praised fathers as pillars of families, role models, providers, mentors, and builders of society. Expectedly, social media platforms were also awash with colourful messages, photographs, and expressions of appreciation. Offline and online, fathers were showered with glowing descriptions and flowery words.
It is heartwarming that society still recognises the importance of fathers. Yet, amid the celebrations and commendations, there were also subtle reminders that the story of fatherhood is not always one of fulfilment and responsibility. Not all Father’s Day messages were celebratory. Beneath the goodwill messages were the voices of women who felt abandoned by men who should have played active roles in the lives of their children but instead left them carrying the burdens of both fatherhood and motherhood. The celebration, no doubt, also exposed some painful realities.
The constant truth is that fatherhood is more than biological parenthood. Fathers have critical roles to play in the family. This is clearly not about religion and should therefore not be seen as a sermon. It is simply the reality of life. Fathers’ roles in the family include, but are not limited to, being providers, protectors, mentors, moral guides, role models, and discipline enforcers.
Fathers really matter in nation-building for several reasons. Families, which have often been described as the smallest units of society, serve as its foundation. Therefore, nation-building starts from the family. Responsible fathers help raise responsible citizens because values learnt at home shape behaviour in society. Fathers contribute significantly to the moral and social development of children.
The link between parenting and social stability cannot be overemphasised. Children who are properly guided are more likely to become productive adults. Strong family values discourage criminal tendencies, while good parenting helps reduce social vices.
Many of the challenges facing society today can be traced, at least partly, to broken homes and failed parenting. Well-trained children are less likely to become kidnappers, bandits, cultists, drug traffickers, or other criminals.
These days, we see so-called fathers directly or indirectly encouraging their children to engage in criminal activities. As the Yoruba adage goes, if your child is neither a dry cleaner nor a boutique owner yet keeps bringing home different clothes he never bought, what further evidence do you need that something is wrong?
There are many crime-enabling fathers among us. Their children kidnap, rob, or even kill for a living, yet they choose to look the other way because they benefit from the proceeds of these heinous acts. Worse still, when discussions about fatherhood arise, they are often among the first to step forward and claim the title of responsible fathers.
Fatherhood is not merely about bringing children into the world; it is about instilling values, discipline, and integrity. Those who condone or profit from their children’s criminality have no moral right to wear the badge of honour that true fatherhood represents.
We cannot close our eyes to the fact that there is a huge economic burden on responsible fathers. The current reality is that they have high food prices, rising school fees, expensive healthcare, transportation costs, housing challenges, and many other responsibilities to contend with. It is very clear that providing for a family has become increasingly difficult.
This is one more reason the huge sacrifices of responsible fathers should be recognised more often. Many fathers work multiple jobs. Some deny themselves basic comforts to support their families. Others struggle silently every day to meet their obligations.
Some years back, as a young reporter, I was at the Lagos airport on a relief assignment for a senior colleague who was on vacation. Journalists were eating at a makeshift canteen in the car park of the VIP area, which served as our operational base, when one of us noticed that an elderly photojournalist had ordered food without meat or fish. Curious, he asked the man why he had chosen not to include either in his meal.
His response left us in awe. We were deeply touched. He explained that, at the time, he had three children in schools located in different parts of the country and that everything they needed was coming from his meagre income. Therefore, he had to reduce what he spent on himself to meet his obligations to his family. This was over 15 years ago, but the lesson learnt from that discussion remains with me till today. Truly speaking, many sacrifices made by fathers go unnoticed and uncelebrated.
Yes, things are tough. Economic hardship has made fatherhood more challenging. Some men genuinely struggle despite their best efforts. However, financial hardship should not be confused with irresponsibility. Poverty is not an excuse for abandonment. Difficult circumstances may explain some failures, but they do not justify neglect.
The message to fathers who are seen as falling short of their obligations to their families is straightforward: children deserve the presence of both parents, especially when they are still alive. They should understand that emotional support is just as important as financial support. They must also realise that fathers should not abandon their responsibilities under any excuse whatsoever. For those who fall into this category, it is never too late to reconnect with and support their children.
As far as I am concerned, fathers should be celebrated beyond Father’s Day. Appreciation should not be limited to one day in a year. Families should acknowledge fathers’ contributions more regularly. Society should also encourage and promote positive fatherhood. Responsible fatherhood deserves recognition all year round.
Fatherhood remains one of the most important responsibilities in society. While Father’s Day rightly provided an opportunity to celebrate men who have sacrificed for their families and contributed to raising responsible children, it also served as a reminder that many children still yearn for fathers who are physically, emotionally, and financially present in their lives.
In a period of severe economic hardship, many responsible fathers are carrying enormous burdens as they struggle to provide for their families amid rising costs and shrinking incomes. Their sacrifices deserve recognition and appreciation.
At the same time, those who have abandoned their responsibilities must reflect on the consequences of their actions and make amends where possible. Strong families help build strong communities, and strong communities help build strong nations. In the end, the quality of fathers a society produces often determines the quality of citizens it gets in return.
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